The Professor Joins Hillary and Bill Clinton as Corruption Consultant

In an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, the Professor Chuck E Boobenstein announced today that he's been officially appointed to an unpaid position as a Corruption Consultant for the Clintons (see photo eating breakfast before pandering to common folks).

You can see that Bill is more concerned than Hillary because there's no black people or women here to do selfies with, and besides, things can't be right if there's no Ninja Squirrel hot sauce. Damn it, Chuuuuuck.

So what qualifies The Professor in this unique new role?

Basically, he's made several donations on Capitol Hill in the name of the Clinton's, in fact almost everywhere. These donations, in full transparency, have been uncovered throughout the neighborhoods on Capitol Hill as well as in and around the State Buildings.

Boobenstein is on the record as making what some would call bigly donations. These gifts come in several formats, some small, some odd shaped, and some with a sort of kick-back flare that others do not have. The key point is that they were made and recorded on an actual timeline with a specific context that cannot be disputed. Don't get it twisted for God's sake. There's a lot of steak, I mean there is a lot at stake.

Coincidentally, The Professor's appointment to his new position as Corruption Consultant comes at a time when both donations and political needs collide, so to speak. Qualifications are not essential nor summarily evident in a "business-as-usual" scheme of things. Think about it, "Ya'll done YOUR business today?"

Anyway, no one has uncovered a quid pro quo backlash to consider. Please define what you think that means in the comments section.

The dishonest media, rather than continuing to dig up any more controversy about this—in what you might call a tug of war between corruption and integrity—has just come out with it:

"The Clinton's need a Corruption Consultant!"

Let me be clear-AH [in a Bernie Sanders accent], it wasn't exactly a pissing contest. The Professor has a lot of integrity and prefers to think of it as his duty to do good and give advice to the Clinton's.

Everyone knows that they have been corrupt for years and it's now time to step up their game. Hillary, who some left-wing, do-gooders concede as Our Lady of the Bad Emails, will be the de facto nominee and appointed as Queen of the Free World with no bones attached. All ballots cast will be conveniently ignored so that folks with super powers sanction the coronation in a terse wave of their hands and a secret, Clinton nod behind closed doors. Sound familiar?

By the way, all of this has been well documented and orchestrated by the DNC Chair Debbie, a purebred poodle from Florida. (see photo).

Boobenstein was against this at first but knows how to flip flop with the best of them and does not have the patience to figure out what really happened. It's in the past. Nobody knows. And besides, who really wants to dig up this crap without more fresh meat on the bones.

Would you?

Ok forget it, let's be honest. The evidence has either been destroyed or folks conveniently self-imploded by virtue or no fault of their own. Think about it, a gun, a bad life, the scandal. Let's not go there.

The main point is that The Professor is going to help the new Clintons, in a 3.0 [three dot oh], hipster, I can Tweet better than you, start up, free-trade kind of way and come up with a strategic initiative that will hoodwink the public again. They have employed thousands to finally get the pantsuits right at taxpayer expense. We're so stupid.

One of the most popular suggestions is to secure pre-paid Harvard Law Degrees to two or more grandkids who they have now or are expecting to have. On second thought, the law degrees don't mean shit. Oops, did we say that out loud?

They've already padded Chelsea with a life of privilege, even when they were flat broke. Why not extend this for generations, like the Kennedy's?

Unfortunately, there's going to be losses to deal with and The Professor has
acknowledged one of the most prolific constituents who pre-empted this whole thing. In his opportunistic, self-serving, politics-of-personal-enrichment art form, here's the rant.



[Keep in mind that no one wants to admit they might have gotten it wrong. It's not that difficult, repeat after me, "They have been allegedly corrupt for years but there's something about them that does not change and it's not corruption." ]

Disclaimer: This appointment and the commentary are subject to a class action law suit so that if there's any personal information exposed it will eventually be redacted by a judge who has been appointed of suspicious origin and clearly has no "business" in this case. Delete when necessary to help speed things up and so no one will find out.

Donald Trump Gets Dogged by The Professor

Scuse Me! Boobenstein Unleashes the Truth

In an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, the Professor Chuck E Boobenstein announced today that he's officially "dogging" the GOP front runner, Donald Trump (see photo).

Look at that face—and we don't mean The Professor's—do we really want that sour puss face in the Oval Office? I'm mean, I'm sure he's probably a nice guy. Lots of people love him. But look at his face. He's ugly. Right. He's ugly [said with a Brooklyn accent].

Talk about oval and bad hair coming out of somewhere, what about those oval peanuts below his belt that keep getting him in "Trumple?" He's been quite hair-ed-ly ballsy with just about everyone who crosses his path.

Has anyone else been reminded of when Al Bundy used to stick his hand down his pants and then sniff it? Neither have we but thought it might be relevant somehow.

To be more fair, The Professor is pleasantly surprised that our Trumpster "negotiated" with the RNC to keep the next debates to two hours so that Carson and Jeb don't fall asleep. Less is more in this case. A longer night time walk or chew of a pigs ear over the GOP implosion will serve us all well. Thank you Donald! Banana fo fama fee fi fo Fiorina oh no Obama . . .

Come on folks, this "lightweight" robot can't stop repeating himself. "I LOVE mexicans, I LOVE woman, I LOVE chinese, I LOVE guns, I LOVE pro live, I LOVE evangelicals. I LOVE "traditional" marriage. I LOVE immigrants!" Oops. I mean I married a couple of Slavic, non-Mexican, immigrants and then deported them out of my life. Easy come, easy go!

Here's a Quick Survey that The Professor architected for this effort:



Now, what about his favorite books? Holy 1989, his "Art of the Deal" book and the Bible. Really? Are you serious, toenail fungus? I mean, "chi'le please." There's a whole bunch more on anyone's reading list that is not so pre-dot-com, pre-9-11, pre-millenial. and pre-gmail and far more compelling. Maybe he's not aware of the works of Elon Musk, Malcolm Gladwell, or J. K. Rowling? Google it.

The only problem with dogging Trump is just more noise. No mater what he says or does, there's just more barking—loud, loud, barking and the media is to blame. Those ratings, it's like watching a train wreck in slow motion. They've got to cover this, it's sensational, and everyone's dysfunctional curiosity fuels the fire. We're doing it now.

The Professor easily concludes that the GOP seems to have a "donkey" in the room—a jackass peeing on everything that our beloved conservative elephants want. Even S.E. Cupp and Ana Navarro , the most prominent Republican pundits on CNN, are struggling with this. 

The very things that the GOP has believed in are being hijacked by this xenophobic misogynist who has embraced them only "to win" for the sake of wining when in fact he had dissimilar beliefs in the past. It's almost satire that his megalomania favors conservationism.

Why doesn't he deny same sex couples admission to any of his money-making establishments for the sake of religious liberty?

Did the Professor actually think that out loud? Probably not.

The Professor Lends Dog House to Speaker of the House, John Boehner

Boobenstein Provides Much Needed Dog House to Worthy Cause

In an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, Professor Chuck E Boobenstein announced today that he's lending his dog house to our current Speaker of  the House (see photo).

Chuck's albeit rarely used part-time residence will serve as John Boehner's "time out" location for his recent antics on the House floor—trying to upstage the President with foreign policy—holy bad dog treats, what was he thinking?  I mean, talk about a leg up in all the wrong places!

The signature pouting and mysterious tan that this representative from Ohio has will hopefully subside to normal levels after a period of time in the box, so to speak. I mean, who hasn't questioned either of these things about The Speaker?

It just doesn't add up. Everyone has foibles. I mean The Professor chews on his paw incessantly when he's bored but he doesn't lack integrity. In other words, we can excuse the tan, the pouting, and the bravado at times on the house floor about how much our President has "lied" to the American people—as Boehner puts it—but we don't excuse a sheer lack of decency when it comes to The United States of America. We've fought our own civil war to become who we are now—the strongest nation in the world. So why undermine it, Mr. Speaker?

John Boehner's inviting one of our strongest allies' Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, without consulting the White House, was a big mistake.

By the way—not sure who calculates these statistics—Barack Obama has probably been one of the most honest Presidents we've ever had. He was not lying when he said, "If you like your insurance, you can keep your insurance." That was what was considered a fact at that time he said it and we did not know that the insurance industry would change their tune after he said that. Fact.

In spite of that, maybe the problem that Boehner faces is that so much of what our current President, Barack Obama has been doing on so many fronts has been working, including foreign policy. Trying to get a leg up like this, after trying to appeal Obamacare 100 and umpteen times, or proposing legislation that will be vetoed, is just utterly insane.

There's a lot that's just plain messy right now in Congress. We're all hoping a little duty time in Chuck's place for The Speaker will give us all respite. Thanks Chuck!

The Professor Barks Back at Elizabeth Lauten

Obama's Pardon and Malia and Sasha's Tweendom

In an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, Professor Chuck E Boobenstein comes to the rescue for the Annual White House Turkey Pardon (see photo).

Two turkeys, Mac and Cheese were pardoned last week by executive order. As Obama smiled and joked, Malia and Sasha acted like teenagers. Meanwhile, one of our GOP Communications Directors got on Faceback and did one of those, "could have been drinkin'" status updates that provided a tongue lashing to the Obama sisters and chides to the President. Holy smokin' turkeys!

Well, here's the evidence that was deleted from her profile and her profile went private.

She works for U.S. Representative Stephen Fincher from Tennessee. What was she thinking? As if the GOP needs to smear the Obama's for anything else. Their list is pretty long—now the girls.

Chuck, The Professor, who normally doesn't suggest anything controversial has implied in subtle but poignant ways that she should take her diploma from East Carolina and do a good old-fashioned "repurposing." Lots of us have heard the expression, "The dog ate my homework." The Professor's idea is a bit stronger and more vivid. Use your imagination.

Communications Director, humph! What do you think Stephen Fincher will do come Monday?

One of the things that the Professor likes to do is confirm facts with real data. You know, like if you smell cheese in the air, there might be a sandwich somewhere to bite into or if someone knocks on the door, there might be a delivery of Chinese food to scarf on later.


Same thing here, let's check on some facts with evidence leading up to the Facebook rant and possibly a regular routine for Elizabeth.

Now who cares if the photo we found was taken several years ago? What it does do is establish a pattern.

If these photos are public, we can just grab and post as she did, even if it might be out of context or serves to prove a point, right? We have no idea where that habit comes from. Oh, hint, from the GOP possibly. "If you like your hairdo, you can keep your hairdo."

Back to the evidence. She's pictured  here with a clear "look at me, look at you syndrome" and a drink (see photo with arrow above). And not at all in her favor. Carefully look at this photo and then the ones of the Obama girls. Talk about classy!

Ok, you be the judge but who the heck picked out the outfits for the ladies? Those lovely sweaters that the Obama sisters were wearing don't look anything like the bar outfits we see here. To be fair, these ladies and Elizabeth were at a bar—one would assume—or working. Who knows?

Has anyone thought of, "pick on someone your own size (or age)"—and not the President's teenage daughters?

The Professor has been a thought leader for years on these kinds of public-facing issues and has been called in a number of times to help with some of the misgivings that we've faced over the years as constituents:

• Boobenstein's Plea to the US Congress
• Chuck E Boobenstein Named Image Consultant for Hil...
• The Professor to Officiate Drinking Games for Stat...
• Pelosi Fingerpoints Boobenstein
• Boobenstein Gets Pantsy with Hillary Clinton

Boobenstein's Plea to the US Congress

The Professor's Perfect Plan for Congress

In an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, Professor Chuck E Boobenstein announced his Perfect Plan (PP) for the "Do Nothing" Congress of the United States of America (see photo).

Basically The Professor was able to dig up this PP solution by focusing on what these two legislative branches have been tied up with recently—Budgets, Education, Foreign and Domestic Affairs, Healthcare, Voting, Immigration, Environment, Emissions, Transportation, Forestry, Taxes and whatever else you can name.

One of his favorite Dogpublicans states, "We're at a stand still with just about everything in quite complicated knots."

So here's Chuck's PP plea for Congress:

Instead of spinning wheels and arguing back and forth across the aisles and spending millions in media campaigns with positioning rhetoric funded by the big wheels of corporate machines, the US Congress should in fact "do nothing" and we'll be much better off.

The Professor implicates something quite profound. We're all just fed up and realize that a "who's-wagging-the-dog" scenario has griped the nation. Think about though, if our Congress in fact did nothing—that is of consequence, we just might be better off.

For example, instead of fighting back and forth into gridlock on most issues, they could do activities where everyone wins. The funds in limbo could be given to seventh and eight grade socials studies classes to distribute as they see fit—talk about reality-based learning, a direct hit! 

Back to Congress, a favorite childhood game comes to mind, "Ring Around the Rosy." Afterwards they could state their name and then come up with a fruit or vegetable that begins with the same letter and then start using that name instead. Just to make it more adult, they would have to match both their first and last names, and if they could not come with a fruit or vegetable, they could use the name of a candy or basically anything that comes to mind.

Remember, everyone wins.

For example, John Boehner could go with "Jujube Butternut." Harry Reid could be "Hazelnut Rhubarb" (see, he was creative and used a nut for his first name). Ok, so you get the picture now and you gotta' admit, this is brilliant. Good job Chuck!


Another all-time favorite to keep things moving would be square dancing. They would have to pick a partner across the aisle, same sex or not, and if they could not do that on their own, they could just "count off" as odd and even partners and then the music begins. They would have to have a very neutral figure like Barney or Sponge Bob to do the calling. At the end of the dance, they could have some apple pie and maybe watch a baseball game.

The Professor has been a thought leader for years on these kinds of core issues and has been called in a number of times to help with some of the misgivings that we've faced over the years as constituents:

• The Professor to Officiate Drinking Games for Stat...
• Pelosi Fingerpoints Boobenstein
• Boobenstein Gets Pantsy with Hillary Clinton

Chuck E Boobenstein Named Image Consultant for Hillary 2016

When the shoe drops, wear it . . .

 

Last week, a mysterious woman threw a shoe or should we say red pump at Hillary Clinton who was speaking about solid waste, aka poop management, at a convention in Las Vegas last week.

"My goodness," said Hillary, "I didn't know that solid waste management was so controversial," [shortly after the shoe flew by her, see photo]. Now laughing, she continued, "Thank goodness she didn't play softball like I did."  Source: CNN

Does Clinton get "girl power" credit for this statement? Seems like there might be a need here from some image rebranding, don't you think? I mean seriously, there's a lot of steak.

The Professor Chuck E Boobenstein who lives in an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, deftly comes to the rescue (see photo). In fact, he's been named "Image Consultant 2016" for the former Secretary, Democratic Presidential Nominee, First Lady, Governor's Wife, Consultant, Lawyer, Mom, and so on.

This assignment for Chuck—who is particularly fond of solid waste management—seems quite à propos. Can you think of a better image consultant for Hillary? And besides, they have a history that spans almost a decade—Boobenstein Gets Pantsy with Hillary Clinton (see photo below).

Here's a couple of tips from The Professor's desk—right off the bat (or bone):

• Wagging around that softball bravado needs to stop pretty much immediately—I mean, c'mon, people are already confused by the pants suits.
• The poop humor should stick for sure—most constitutes like to giggle about this stuff without controversy.
• Regarding what we're going to call Hillary if she wins—Madame President, Mrs. President, My Lady President—it certainly won't be "The Hillenator" after the shoe incident . . . or wait a second, maybe it will be, as The Professor thinks out loud with one of those smirking, confident, just-you-wait-and-see kind of poses. Hmn?

As you can see from the photo back at the top—practice will make perfect—and Chuck has a few items to toss at Hillzie whenever she's ready or when she's not, like the other day. She's got to be able to handle this kind of heckling and respond better as 2016 comes crackling toward her and in what seems to be an overwhelming majority in her favor. If she doesn't run, then who will?

Speaking of that, Biden, who had an affair with Chuck not too long ago—The Professor Chuck E Boobenstein in Bromance with VP Joe Biden—is filing a lawsuit against the appointment for what he claims as an unfair infringement on eminent domain—whatever the heck that means . . . some nerve.

Either way, Chuck, who's research continues to get diverted, seems quite pleased with how things have progressed.

The Twelve Days of Barkmas

 

On the first day of Barkmas my true friend gave to me,
A puddle on-my wood floor!

On the second day of Barkmas my true friend gave to me,
Two bitten heels!

...and a puddle, on-my wood floor!

On the third day of Barkmas my true friend gave to me,
Three lost socks!
Two bitten heels, and a puddle, on-my wood floor!

On the fourth day of Barkmas my true friend gave to me,
Four squealing birds!
Three lost socks, two bitten heels, and a puddle, on-my wood floor!

On the fifth day of Barkmas my true friend gave to me,
Five – Itch - ing – Fleas !!!
Four squealing birds, three lost socks, two bitten heels, and a puddle, on-my wood floor!

On the sixth day of Barkmas my true friend gave to me,
Six ways to whimper!
Five – Itch - ing – Fleas !!!
Four squealing birds, three lost socks, two bitten heels, and a puddle, on-my wood floor!

On the seventh day of Barkmas my true friend gave to me,
Seven jumping kisses!
Six ways to whimper,
Five – Itch - ing – Fleas !!!
Four squealing birds, three lost socks, two bitten heels, and a puddle, on-my wood floor!

On the eighth day of Barkmas my true friend gave to me,
Eight spots-a-yellow-snow!
Seven jumping kisses, six ways to whimper,
Five – Itch - ing – Fleas !!!
Four squealing birds, three lost socks, two bitten heels, and a puddle, on-my wood floor!

On the ninth day of Barkmas my true friend gave to me,
Nine mangled rawhides!
Eight spots-a-yellow-snow, seven jumping kisses, six ways to whimper,
Five – Itch - ing – Fleas !!!
Four squealing birds, three lost socks, two bitten heels, and a puddle, on-my wood floor!

On the tenth day of Barkmas my true friend gave to me,
Ten toilet lickings!
Nine mangled rawhides, eight spots-a-yellow-snow, seven jumping kisses, six ways to whimper,
Five – Itch - ing – Fleas !!!
Four squealing birds, three lost socks, two bitten heels, and a puddle, on-my wood floor!

On the eleventh day of Barkmas my true friend gave to me,
Eleven window pawprints!
Ten toilet lickings, nine mangled rawhides, eight spots-a-yellow-snow, seven jumping kisses, six ways to whimper,
Five – Itch - ing – Fleas !!!
Four squealing birds, three lost socks, two bitten heels, and a puddle, on-my wood floor!

On the twelfth day of Barkmas my true friend gave to me,
Twelve steaming dumpings!
Eleven window pawprints, ten toilet lickings, nine mangled rawhides, eight spots-a-yellow-snow, seven jumping kisses, six ways to whimper,
Five – Itch - ing – Fleas !!!
Four squealing birds, three lost socks, two bitten heels, and a puddle, on-my wood floor!

GOP Turns to Flea Party Express for Votes

Let's face it, members of the Tea Party Express, also known as Dr. Seuss Republicans did not prevail. That's right, did not prevail. They did not accomplish anything but troubled times for many.

Basically, what we've witnessed through their efforts is a bunch of itchy, bitchy non sequiturs, one after another—the failed drama routines, rhymes that don't rap, and "no Obama" kinds of blank stares into the microphone but NOTHING to back it up (see photo to the right - pun intended).

Fa' crissakes, take off your pants and look down. Ain't nothin' there to be proud of unless we've missed something! There's really only one way to turn—and please do—toward the newly functioning Flea Party Express in an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6.

Enter the Professor—Chuck E. Boobenstein—he's finally gotten his platform on real reform out at the forefront. Thank God—all this riff raff or ruff ruff about research and tenure—it's just not happenin' any time soon. For those caught up ideological struggles, especially when the whole universe is moving in another direction like when the squirrels scurry on a chilly Fall day, get a grip on yourself.

Anyway, the Flea Party Express tolerates common sense just as Chuck does. If you have fleas, get rid of them!!! Just ask your constituents to set off a bomb. You can order prescription drugs from your local pharmacy, whatever it takes. If it itches—and it don't feel good—why suffer?

Ok, let's be fair for all the process-orientated folks who might need more time—moderates if you will. Consider that you "fought the good fight," so to speak, without any comfort from a tanning bed. You know who we mean, the more organic types or—slash—holistic folks who should probably use garlic to ward off the fleas. For example, if you have fleas—but smell awful—at least folks will walk away from you if you're not making sense and sort of itching in a tacky way in front of other reasonable folks. We know that the fleas will eventually disperse as they should.

Pa' lease, if your "game" keeps producing little itchy bumps all over the place, don't continue. It's that simple.

As we move forward, Chuck emphasizes about this new Flea Party agenda that real reform will have to include ways that we can discuss fleas without judgment.

Key Point—If you have fleas, follow the trail of data—know how they got there, and what you can do to address them. Find an approach that works. But never, ever, throw your hands up in the air or another Quran at the White House and then make silly rhymes about how the fleas might go away with empty rhetoric and no proof as if in an "evidence-free" zone.

Let's make no bones about this—data, data—bark, bark—data (see photo left - pun intended). Duh!

When the Going Gets Rough, the Tough Go Golfing!

Boobenstein and Obama Hit the Greens

On a moments notice amidst crisis and turmoil, these two can always find their way to the golf course—that is—the POTUS and The Professor Chuck E Boobenstein. Look at those haughty smiles and ensuing chin wags for sure (see photo right). Biden, who's a typical partner of the President and a great friend of Chuck's, has decided to caddy this round and is not too far behind them—ready for and to say anything as usual. See Chuck's bromance with Biden here.

The Professor heard the President's speech on Saturday about Syria and knew he'd be getting a call on his special home phone promptly (see photo below).

Anyway, Chuck lives in an area referred to as Ward 6 and coincidently "on the way" to the golf course at Fort Belvoir.  Barack and Chuck both have been known to bat around small things in a very precise manner while keeping chatter to a minimum.

Speaking of chatter, seems like we're not short of that anywhere on the political front—in fact we're so chatty we can't get anything done. Does that mean we're going to chat the Syrian crisis into an impasse like everything else for the last few years? Now who's to blame here?


Here it comes, Obama will cause drama if he uses force without support and drama if he does with support. In fact, he'll cause drama if nothing happens.

Maybe a good round of golf was the best thing for this situation. He sure got a bashing from the "opposition" - I mean - John McCain and Lindsey Graham. Republican pundits on CNN also thought a round of golf was kind of stupid. Why are we being partisan about this? Holy Slugs, Batman. Isn't Congress on vacation anyway? I wonder how many of them went golfing without notice. If any one of them are trying to unwind after another busy, do nothing session, then shame on them too.

The Professor and Obama did have a nice time even though under the veil of formidable challenge. All were relieved that Biden kinda stayed in the background digging out of sand traps here and there. Seems like the Professor could not swing very well that day. He wanted to be of complete support of his President but ended up being a bit nervous with this kind of "no-meat-on-the-bones" Congress.

In theory, it's a good idea to get the support of our democratic constituents. However, this might just be situational. They're on holiday so to speak. Probably time for the 19th hole.

Rachel Jeantel Teams Up with The Professor Chuck E Boobenstein on Race

Rachel and Chuck Keepin' It Real

Ideas about race, stand your ground, self-defense, understanding one and other, communicating across-and-intra-cultural lines, and gun control have been on The Professor Chuck E Boobenstein's mind recently—in an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6.


With Chuck's Treatise on Barcheology on hold again to consider the nuances around racial differences and identity, the star prosecution witness (see photo) in the Trayvon Martin murder trial has caught his attention.

Teaming up with Rachel Jeantel—after her interview on CNN's Piers Morgan—became inevitable for Chuck. Remember when the Professor schooled Piers a couple years back? (see post here.) Who knew that Rachel would do the same? Chuck knew and makes it clear how they are on the same team. Basically, they both should be honored for being able to articulate what's real instead of getting tied up in communication leashes that have been designed by others—like Don West from the trial.

So, here we go, the evidence. In a subsequent interview after the not-guilty verdict, Morgan tries to support Jeantel while bashing Juror B37 who refers to "those" people and who also gets slammed for it in the social media stratosphere. Then, hold your bonnets, Piers slips up moments later and says to Rachel, "in your world" instead. What's the difference? (those people in their world). He's got the problem too!

In fact, later in the discussion, she—in her grand teenager transparency—quickly reprimands the almighty liberal Piers with,
"No, nigga means any man! You don't have to be a black man [in my world] . . .you can be my Chino nigga!" [slight editorial embellishment].

She then clarifies for the Queen's English himself that the use of language does not have to be in what he referred to as "in your world" but so appropriately emphasizes that language can be valid for any age, any race. Ok, except if you're white, just don't use the "N word"—and don't "us and them" any group. You idiot Piers! Well, at least your heart was in the right place, just like the Juror B37 said Zimmerman's heart was after he shot Trayvon's heart at gun's length. We don't mean to be so harsh on the well-meaning Piers—yet it's the nuances—that's what can creep up on us (more on that later).

Anyway, back to the Professor and Rachel. Analogous to Chuck, Rachel speaks three languages, has a lot of courage, is very up front about why her speech might be "different" because of a physical under bite that she's now in the process of getting addressed medically. Chuck has his issues too but not worth detailing in this "context," to quote our POTUS, Barack Obama who also spoke on this topic in a White House press room briefing here:



All this commentary and pundit-o-mania might end up in minutia paralysis. For example, the discussions about walking too slow, walking too fast, or the swagger walk—how's a man supposed to walk these days—should we say, "swagga" or "swagger?" all depend on context.

Ok, so now where does the "creepy-ass" cracka of Professor Chuck E Boobenstein come into play [notice the "a" instead of the "er"?] You guessed it, "It's Big Time! (remember Cheney)"  In fact, you can see that thing of Chuck's at all angles particularly when he's happy—tail up and haughty. For God's sake, he even graces us with this while chasing people, dogs, flies, pizza crusts, and squirrels of course. What the hell's so racial about this? 

Here's a quick joke from Chuck E Cheese [one of the Professor's friends on Facebook] to get us back on topic. Seriously, What kind of potatoes do you order online?    #browns—that is—"hash browns!"

Duh, the speed of online communication is so fast that reflection of what we're saying and how were relating to people get's knee-jerked, Twittered, Facebooked, LinkedIn, Instagrammed, Tumbled, YouTubed, Google+ ed, and "hashed." And here's the big question—dunt, dunt, dah—why are all the facilitators of media bonanza discussions mostly white? In fact, I don't think you can get any whiter than CNN's Anderson Cooper (see photo).
Whoops!

Ok, maybe we haven't been watching all the news, paying attention to "our world" and finding out what's really going on. Let's strike up friendships with people of all races—not strained but genuine—and tolerate a dog in the neighborhood (and their owners). No one is right in this situation or being right is only relative to "our context." We're probably moving in better directions now with race so let's not polarize the discussions.

Rachel and Chuck look pretty good together, don't they?

The Professor Chuck E Boobenstein in Bromance with VP Joe Biden!

VP Joe Biden Enamored by The Professor in an Intense Bromance

The Professor Chuck E Boobenstein—from an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6—has been officially bromancing, that is, "bro, romancing" Joe Biden. It's not a sexual thing but definitely intimate. You know, in a guy friends kind of way. Dr. Jill Biden encourages this softer side of her hubby and was pleased to know that Chuck is an Assistant Professor at The University instead of some beer-drinking, jockstrap-slinging, Camaro-driving white boy.

What sparks the mutual feelings of respect cannot be denied. It's the Biden Bravado. Some say it sounds very similar to Chuck's Pontifications when other dogs get out of line or when danger lurks—very I wish Cat oh lick.

Now for an example, when Joe, the VP-after-a-six-pack discussed gun control, he told folks to get a two-barrel shotgun, step out on the porch, and fire two rounds in the air when danger is eminent. Most people would have to build the porch first. The point, however, was no need for an assault rifle. Who knows what kind of beer he was drinking? The subtle message sometimes gets lost in the tone and timber-ish sound of Biden's voice. Or, what about that duck-tail hairdo (circled in photo)?

Anyway, The Professor does a similar kind of bravado when the UPS guy comes and tries to hide packages in the trash or recycling bin. Similar. Oh-yay-awe! Sometimes biting the heels of anyone in the way.

They've been secretly meeting behind the scenes. Although the Professor looks smitten (see photo), he's just doing that competitive mano a mano bored look at one of Biden's bragging moments. This might have been after the Democratic National Convention. It's not been confirmed but this sort of after-the-event-camaraderie happens regularly.

Biden has been to the Professor's events every now and then to share in the types of victories that he has as well, such as convincing his constituents to donate more—funding such projects like the ban on "no pooping" zones—something both Biden and the Professor definitely have in common. We all should feel comfortable and feel free to poop anywhere we want. Don't you think?

They do have the same types of gaffes on numerous occasions like falling asleep during the 2013 Inaugural Address and Chuck slipping off the couch while napping. It happens.

Cheers to Biden and Boobenstein!

The Professor to Officiate Drinking Games for State of the Union

Professor Chuck E Boobenstein Slated to Officiate Drinking Games on Tuesday

The Professor Chuck E Boobenstein—from an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6—has been doing a lil' research for a suitable drinking game for the State of the Union address by President Barack Obama this evening.

In true social media fashion—Linkedin, Hookedin, HoodWigged, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, CrabFeet, and GagSquirrels—Chuck plans to be live on the Hill (see photo) with a web cam that can be streamed into any one's living room and be the "official" Officiator through whatever social media is your preferred "at-home" favorite. Don't mix this up with "work" social media.

Anyway, The Professor will be able to quickly quell any disputes about what happens according to the rules of the game. The seriousness of this role might be as debatable as everything else seems to be during this political season. We're realists, not bitter, and just a little hopeful.

Now to the game, Chuck has chosen the following set of rules from his dear friend Will Durst at the Huff Post. You won't be disappointed.

WHAT YOU NEED TO PLAY:
Four taxpayers of any sex: one rich white banker-type wearing a suit. Cuff links would be nice. One person in a blue work shirt, another in a white shirt and one wearing rags that in a former life might have been an integral part of a frantic escape through the sewers of Paris. At high tide. The four group around a coffee table directly in front of a television with newspapers laid on table and floor.
One shot glass per person. Everybody brings own and places on table. Suit gets first pick for use during game. White Shirt picks next, then Blue Shirt. Suit pockets last glass as well, and Rags either rents it, borrows a replacement from kitchen or drinks out of own cupped hands.
20 buck ante for White & Blue Shirt. Suit throws in a quarter while Rags can write an IOU.
Fondue pot on table with two packages of Li'l Smokies stewing in Hawaiian barbecue sauce, surrounded by 100 cocktail toothpicks. The kind with the little American flags wrapped around the top.
A large stash of canned beer. Rags gets the cheapest stuff that can be found, like Old Milwaukee Ice Dry Light; Suit gets to drink whatever import he requests; Shirts get to pick favorite domestic, but are required to pay for beer, Li'l Smokies and accouterments.

 

RULES OF THE GAME

1. Whenever Barack H. Obama mentions bipartisanship or working across the aisle, everybody drinks a shot of beer.
2. Everybody drinks two shots of beer if Speaker Boehner starts to cry. An entire can if he breaks down sobbing or disappears from view.
3. If Barack H. Obama ever says "Democratic leadership," everybody must drink a whole beer then throw empty can at television. Anybody who hits Harry Reid is exempt from drinking three more shots of beer.
4. If he tells a folksy tale with a deeper meaning about not leaving before the job is done, the last person to throw their arms in the air, fall to their knees and shout "Hallelujah!" has to drink an entire beer.
5. Whenever president mentions liberty or freedom of the proud Afghani people, stand up, salute with your right hand and drink shot of beer with left. If he talks about the liberty or freedom of the American people, stand up, salute with left hand and drink shot of beer with right. First person to mess up has to drink two more shots.
6. If president says the State of the Union is good, but could be better, first person to stop laughing is exempt from drinking one shot of beer and gets to pummel Suit with empty shot glass. No head shots.
7. If Obama mentions the word "drone" everybody immediately makes continuous droning noises. First person to run out of breath has to drink two shots of beer.
8. Every time Barack Obama mentions immigration, last person to eat two Li'l Smokies has to drink two shots of beer. Use toothpicks.
9. If Vice President Joe Biden is caught nodding off, last person to start singing "Wake Up, Little Susie" has to drink three shots of beer.
10. Whenever the president talks about his resolve and adopts a frowny look with his brow all furrowed and stuff, everybody throws Li'l Smokies at the television. The first person to hit Nancy Pelosi in the head is exempt from having to drink two shots of beer. Toothpick use optional.
11. If Barack tells heartfelt story of banker with heart of gold, Suit gets to kick everyone else once. Twice if subject is in the audience. If sitting next to a general, the number of times equal to the amount of stars.

EXTRAS
Anybody who can identify person giving Republican response doesn't have to watch it. Suit takes home cash discarding the IOU.
Whoever comes closest to guessing number of standing Os takes home leftover beer after Rags finishes cleaning up.

For the original post of game on the Huff Post, click here.

Piers, Barbra, and Chuck

The Professor Chuck E Boobenstein—Doppelganger on CNN's Piers Morgan Tonight

 

Yes, it's true—an uncanny appearance with Piers and Barbra! Saaaa weet!

 

On the show, the Professor Chuck E Boobenstein reveals his love of acting and sing ging, as well as an incredible shyness that comes over him at times—just like the Bab [a.k.a. the incredibly talented Barbra Streisand—see photo]. Stomp. Stomp. You've got to be kidding, right?

 

Well, there's something about his one droopy ear and her somewhat dreamy yet awkward fight to not look cross-eyed that makes them appear just a tad—shall we say—sima la [go ahead, we want you to use that thick, Brooklyn accent if you want].

 

We're still trying to figure out who Piers has the crush on? They're both charming, pitch the same political views most of the time, and find themselves thirsty and a bit intolerable of imperfection at almost exactly the same time. Yet, neither like hot water. Imagine that.

 

So, you're thinking, why Barbra? Why Chuck? Well the news reel of the Fitty Clip or Financial Nose dive or whatever pet name they have for that gosh darn gridlock in DC has become un-dig-able.

 

Other nasty news has just become intolerable. Nuff say-ed.

 

And, it's the Holidays Fa' Crissakes! The Professor, whom you've come to know as the one continuing work on his Treatise on Barcheology in and around the area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, has taken a much deserved break from politics and discussions about the NRA.

 

Good distractions and diversions keeping him grounded as usual!

 

Happy Holidays 2012

 

 

 

Boobenstein Trumps Status Quo

Boobenstein Trumps Status Quo—Viewing the World from Rose-Tampered Fences

Professor Chuck E Boobenstein has apparently unleashed a keen sense of optimism—trumping the status quo with a view of the world from rose-tampered fences in an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6 (see photo).

After being canned by CNN in favor of Candy Crowly to moderate the Presidential beg—I mean bid—for the White House, Chuck although mildy embarrassed and defeated, has decided to get over himself and view the world differently.

Quite frankly, the status quo coping strategies from Chuck's past now seem unnecessarily biting or bellacose—even against conservative snarky barkers and liberal swaggers who know how to kick up dust. Championing a good flip flop in your favor or suggesting that failed policies contribute to greed or vice versa as a worthy platform really has no place in the Professor's new vision. Don't worry, that's not intended to make sense.

Ok let's get to the basics. After a nasty supra storm, that dang rose positioned itself right through the very fence borders that used to protect what Chuck proselytized in the past—like a New Jersey Govnah suddenly embracing what appears to be hope. No need to bash, minimize, throw meat with or without bones to his constituency. Look, Listen, and Love. Even that fence has the color of a throbbing heart.

Chuck could be onto something here, and will continue to focus on the hopeful, the resilent—and eventually get on to that long-awaited Treatise on Barcheology by the tail end of one of these years.

The Professor Stands Down at Proper Sitting with the Queen—2012 Olympics

Chuck E Boobenstein Stands Down—2012 Olympics—A Proper Sitting with the Queen

Professor Chuck E Boobenstein meets the Queen for a proper "Stands Down" Sitting—both class and pooch protocols go unchallenged with nothing but a proper restoration of good spills. I mean good will. Recent gaffs by US Presidential hopefuls must stop. I mean really, who wants to spoil the exchanges of funding for our new "Imperialism." Pretty sure we don't want stealth technology—now exposed—to spar with the birds in the Royal Navy.  Didn't mean to drone on there but maybe that's better.

Anyway, honoring corporate agendas for the sake of good shopping, freedom and democracy, and a decent pension does have some merit—else—we can't protect you from yourselves. We're not that concerned if you don't bow, toast, insult, or touch private parts appropriately. Oh my goodness, you had to go there didn't you? Dogs are dogs. For God's sake. The Queen, and a playful snout up the skirt is not necessarily a bad thing. I mean think about it. If something smells good, isn't it worth investigating—just a little bit? Ok, so the Professor agreed, this would be a stands down event. Forget that.

The Queen's Corgi's, aka Corgis (see photo)—now on holiday at an undisclosed horse farm needed some fun. What they do behind closed blinds never frightens the horses. Seriously, insider comments about security, who gets to do what and when, have gotten international decorum all mixed up. Anyone like a Corgis gone Morgus?

The Professor—from an area of Capitol Hill (The New Country) referred to as Ward 6—will stand down for the sake of our country or some country (see photo above).  Hey, if the Queen wants to shield herself with sensationalism—shush, we've heard she likes Springsteen—so be it. Chuck (just for our purposes) will STAND DOWN in a proper sitting with the Queen. Still so embarrassed about that whole snout thing . . .

To keep things moving, what seems to be confusing is confusing. Why is it that so many people in the world still have a British accent—or slip into one during stressful times—like when they've had too much to drink?

The Professor has stood down. The summer heat on the East Coast in the States has gotten him to get his final thoughts together—for what we're now calling "The Treatise for Tenure."  His actions on paper have halted only briefly in exchange for a fascination with the 2012 Summer Olympics in London, especially for Charlie Houchin who goes by Chuck E in tight circles just like The Professor.

To finalize the sitting—the Queen makes no effort to speak. We're confident now that all has been quite proper!

Chuck E. Boobenstein on CNN's Short List !!!

Best Foot First's Blog Dog - Chuck E.

Chuck E. Boobenstein Fetches Front Row Ticket—Debates 2012

Professor Chuck E Boobenstein held a "no briefs" press conference yesterday—in an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6—announcing that he's gotten the runs with a grassy Super PAC, that's Political Action Committee—for those who didn't know—like me.  A whistle-blower from CNN also revealed that "The Professor" had been named "most-likely-personality" to moderate the upcoming Obama-Romney debates this Fall.

Afterwards, others mused as expected—like when Candy Crowley of CNN's weekend lineup blurted out, "It is what it is!" in a typical Situation Room thriller or even whilst hosting her own State of the Union segment. Humph, she and others don't seem to get it, do they? Ted Turner as first alpha in CNN's pack—preCNNinquirer—led the sires and bitches but would never have let this happen even if his ex wife Jane was not fond (couldn't help that one).

En-ah-way [teeth clenched] The Professor, Chuck E Boobenstein, definitely commands a "presence-and-poise" that rivals the long-gone integrity of journalists like Bernard Shaw (see photo). What makes Boobenstein—who some folks now call Boo-Bee—even more "ah paw pro," centers on his serpentine-belt or leash-like ability to switch gears and stay charged with only a squirrel's whisper. . .

Chuck easily gets the same praise as hipsters. Ok, call this out, "We - all - now - have - A-D-D or A-D-H-D, or D-V-D's and B-V-D's—as the more cantankerous anchors do—gingerly drilling down to expose "Oopsies"—you know, like the way a top-notch, whipper snapper journal anchor hottee Soledad O'Brien does. No, I'm not flirting.

If Chuck doesn't end up at that dog gone podium to orchestrate the polarization of our well-meaning, left . . .right . . . left, right, left—who knows what the HELL they're saying—polytitian-enZaz, then she betta!! . . .yeah, that's you, [now singing] "You - you - you, . . Soledad - Oooooooooo - Brien!" . . . good boy Chuck E, and you go Girl (Soledad).

Quite frankly, Soledad who recently returned to CNN eating donuts and bragging about iPod play lists, knows how to keep the basics at the forefront and the dirty stuff behind. This is not unlike Boobenstein, who even kicks the dirt further back while facing the world head on.

We, "The Americans (I think)" need a moderator to do this without going into the typical willy wally walla or meat slingin' bozo nanzas like a Biltzer Wolf sensationalizing the turning of a page—or, a duh—my-first-name-comes-last or my-last-name-comes-first—Cooper-Anderson—miss thing (oops a typo) wanna be Kathy Griffin's slug.

Ok, maybe Coopster should do the giggle track for the opening remarks. C'mon, does he always end up on his own Ridiculist? Let's be fair now, we hafta give'm props—or fist bumps—for that impeccable hair and the way he handles reporting on real serious shit over seas—geographic savant maybe?

So, at the debates, Romney and Obama should just walk right up to Chuck with their best swaggerly stroll and a firm hand shake. Any further unsolicited gestures—or failed swags—should encourage Chuck to gnaw right on their forearm veins and draw blood if necessary—or the candidates should at least appear to be willing to "take it like a man."

Then later during the debate, only if necessary, each Presidential hopeful would be encouraged to start with a tentative, petting routine, as many politicians know so well, and then grow into it—change their minds—flopping or flipping elbows or other parts for a little confusion as needed. Personally, I'd signal someone in the crowd for clues or bones—and then change the venue dramatically, or simply spend more money on those, "Who's wagging the dog?" walkathons . . . you know how we do !!!"

The Summer also biting ahead, several of Chuck's constituents believe that his long-awaited Treatise on Barcheology might actually be in Draft Stage.

The Professor Boobenstein Bow-Wows from Presidential Beg

Best Foot First's Blog Dog

The Professor Boobenstein Bow-Wows from Presidential Beg


Yesterday, in a area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, the Professor Boobenstein bow-wowed out of his "Chance-It" Party race that he announced a few months ago. He hopes to set an example somehow for all the greedy constituents and never-do-wells who want to drain the media with countless hours of unnecessary barkitudes.

His first challenge was his Chair, "Max the Man", who had perfect motives at first but then quickly got caught up in the mix, so to speak. Max, "What were you thinking?" What a mish mash mix up for media to mangle?!?!?! He's no Campaign Chair, but at least he knows how to smile like the Professor for the media as necessary (see photo).

Chuck is delighted to get back to his Treatise on Barchaeology and finally has better research to support his tenure at University (British translation). He surely will not get anywhere near the barks associated with Breitbart's new challenges against his dear friend - Oh Bam Ah. Fortunately, those who have vetted Chuck will never acuse him of being a white dog in black boots.

The President and Chuck plan to resume regular chin wags once the dang Repubs get someone in there. Speaking of hair, why is it that wannabe first ladies from the right tend to have nondescript shades of blond hair? Cindy Micky Cain appeared on Piers with something on her head that looked a little—shall we say—"clean-moppish" Jus sayin'

Very impressed with her stance on several issues, though, go Cindy (left-pictured here). Ok, enough for now. No wait, Chuck was going to ask Cindy where she got the Siberian eye balls but did not have the chance and looks like she's shed them for the mop. Anyway, The Professor Chuck is quite content now with his natural Alaskan eyes and will wait to see if Obama picks him for a VP Spot or Cabinet Position (preferably close to a window).

Boobenstein on Heels of Colbert-Cain in New "Chance-It" Party!

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Boobenstein on Heels of Colbert-Cain in New "Chance-It" Party!

After several attempts at joining the mainstream Dogpublican and Democat parties without success, Professor Chuck E Boobenstein—in an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6—announced his new "Chance-It" party and obtained a very substantial endorsement (see photo). Who needs Oprah when you can have "all that" from Chuck's most adoring constituent?

Professor Chuck will most likely be running tight on the heels of Stephen Colbert - Herman Cain or vice versa and subject to the same thwarty scrutiny of their naysayers. Chuck in tandem with these GOP wannabe's challenges the fragile line between satire, chance, and what some "lefter besters" call the "new reality." Why not chance it?

The Occupy movement has nothing on this one. I mean really. What was left up to chance for them? In these encampments that were owned by someone else usually, a typical occupy constituent had no chance to gain anything—while tying up traffic, not working, and consuming public resources. Oops, please don't misconstrue this sentiment—hate the game not the play ah—these folks all have intentions worth validation but the game dude, not happenin'—bank, bet, yo, trippin, you ain't "beep." (Probably a little off topic as usual but took a chance at the proper fit here!)

Ok so what's the Professor's platform or agenda if you will; how does he define his base? You guessed it—leave it up for chance! Sort of like the "nine," "nine," "nine," "not" strategy but more improved based on chances and proven chance theory. One failed strategy typically increases the likelihood of a more favorable chance option to emerge with better results—sort of like what dogs do when their regular meals have a chance to be superceded by a tasty chicken wing or hunk of cheese.

Chuck has made plans to take no chances while chancing the Chance-It party—chance plans unfold with an enchancement that litterally fetches no chants . . . Sound familiar? . . . Of course it does—like the many "meat throwing" exercises made famous by both of the mainstream parties during their rallies. Chuck has been a fan of meat throwing and even more so with the bones of the matter attached. You know the kind of political rhetoric that you can chew on without disturbing others.

Anyway, needless to say, his long-awaited treatise on Barcheology—now even farther away from being finished—takes a side dip again. However, Chuck's lofty pursuit of our top-dog, Presidential beg—don't you mean bid—surely survives the neighborhood cocktail circuit over a postponed research paper. Cheers!

Boobenstein Considers Straw Votes with Obama—Both Paws Down!

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Boobenstein Considers Straw Votes with Obama—Both Paws Down!

Professor Chuck E Boobenstein, from an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, considers Presidential straw votes with double paws down in Obama's beer garden. They needed to catch up since their last Chin Wag at Chuck E's place a few days before the Inauguration. The rants, ravings, and evangelical indigestion coming from those in the race against Chuck's dear friend Obama, have no substantial platform other than blame and fear.

In fact, holding up a thin piece of hay and watching the wind blow between these new candidates in some kind of straw vote has caused nothing but angst for the Professor.

Chuck has both paws down with Obama to symbolize how common sense should prevail. He does not plan on being tail-wagged by the ridiculous media hype and ad campaigns that suck the intelligence out of educated folks with subtle, highly-crafted messaging.

All leg lifting aside, Chuck hopes to witness a civil upcoming Presidential election where real data and inspiration prevails, like when a constituent tosses a rawhide towards him as a reward for doing a good job. He would rather not have to endure what seems like mean-spirited, heart-stabbing strategies from some of the current Dogpublican candidates who spin the complex role of our government—yes we the people—into a cast of unwanted villains who steal, squander, and disregard the freedom and rights of others as over-indulgent, reckless scoundrels. Come on now. Does this kind of stupid logic work?

Are we too busy to study the facts about the economy, how taxation works, the difference between government spending and consumer spending, increasing the production of innovative goods and services versus increasing the demand for existing goods and services, which are sometimes produced more in other countries than our own? Are these ideas too difficult to consider or should we press the snooze button one more time? We need to delve into the cause and effect of what's really happening and why. The Professor—as a habit—always studies or sniffs out where, when, and why he's leaving his mark anywhere. When it's good there's nothing wrong with kicking up some dust or divots as warranted.

Let's not make it easier to associate our hard-working, earnest—for the most part—public servants with derelicts up the street who can't manage money or don't know what's best for Aunt Nellie Mae or Veteran Bob and paying attention to sloppy rhetoric. Take the time to find out what's really going on in the government and how a process has come to be. People in government cannot be compared to neighborhood thugs, do gooders, or even softball teams. There's too many interdependent actions at play. Minimizing our President's service by using language like "Stealing" or "Ruining" or by personifying initiatives like "Obamacare" feeds into deceptive understandings.

Professor Chuck will continue his vigilance during this election season with both paws down as he finds more answers to showcase in his upcoming Treatise on Barcheology.

Boobenstein Backs Vote for Same-Sex Leashes!

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Boobenstein Backs Vote for Same-Sex Leashes!

Professor Chuck E Boobenstein, from an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, backs his potential vote on the same-sex leash quandary—truly a stunning upset here on the Hill. Basically, the Professor postures that equality at the price of union might make better sense than to be a little too individualistic. He's decided to examine the issues, though, before backing a final vote.

By the way, the Professor's Treatise on Barcheology remains on hold until the summer heat gives way.

So, back to the examination. On one tail—at the face of most government sponsored or endorsed programs—efficiency and personal ethics alone, cry out for such same-sex unions on one leash (see tandem leash in photo). Oh, to be sanctioned by such a well-meaning crowd of liberally minded supporters. As some of the more prominent politicos from a more important, larger state up North, toggle between pants on or pants off, twittling away at their up-front socially-conscious media---or medium, or, well, I mean large, magnum, what-EVER.

For God's sake, does anyone know where you can find a good Weinershouldnotshow these days? Or how about a good groomer, hair or no hair? That same-sex or over-sexed duo from New York should have combined last names, "Spitzer-Weiner or Weiner-Spitzer," either has a nice ringer to it, doesn't it? Weiner, Weiner Spitz Spitz...Nanny, Nanny Poo Poo, oh my goodness, got a little carried away there, sorry. Hope that didn't get too mixed up.

On the other tail, maybe a good tandem leash—or marriage of sorts—will help. Rescuing us again by an entitlement to more services, more programs, and more stuff to keep our GS'ers from losing a line of sight on their next step and grade. What do they do, anyway? I'll bet many ride tandem when they get the chance (just for fun) but travel individually for proper disbursement of their transportation vouchers. Dag or dog gonnit, well it ain't their fault, really.

Ok, so maybe we actually should have separated Church and State from the beginning—seriously—not just erecting the beautifully architected church buildings far from the State Department buildings or vicey versy. Maybe the actual values instead. Whoopeeee.

Boobenstein, wonders quite frankly, how does the State Department define a good tandem same-sex leash situation from, say, two happy-go-lucky's who might not be the same sex but still could be having a good time? In fact, in the picture above, Professor Boobenstein admits there's a little bit of gender confusion in this particular union—nothing to do with the leashes, the tandem, or even the State Department—just plain muddled-up shit!!!