The Professor Boobenstein Bow-Wows from Presidential Beg

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The Professor Boobenstein Bow-Wows from Presidential Beg


Yesterday, in a area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, the Professor Boobenstein bow-wowed out of his "Chance-It" Party race that he announced a few months ago. He hopes to set an example somehow for all the greedy constituents and never-do-wells who want to drain the media with countless hours of unnecessary barkitudes.

His first challenge was his Chair, "Max the Man", who had perfect motives at first but then quickly got caught up in the mix, so to speak. Max, "What were you thinking?" What a mish mash mix up for media to mangle?!?!?! He's no Campaign Chair, but at least he knows how to smile like the Professor for the media as necessary (see photo).

Chuck is delighted to get back to his Treatise on Barchaeology and finally has better research to support his tenure at University (British translation). He surely will not get anywhere near the barks associated with Breitbart's new challenges against his dear friend - Oh Bam Ah. Fortunately, those who have vetted Chuck will never acuse him of being a white dog in black boots.

The President and Chuck plan to resume regular chin wags once the dang Repubs get someone in there. Speaking of hair, why is it that wannabe first ladies from the right tend to have nondescript shades of blond hair? Cindy Micky Cain appeared on Piers with something on her head that looked a little—shall we say—"clean-moppish" Jus sayin'

Very impressed with her stance on several issues, though, go Cindy (left-pictured here). Ok, enough for now. No wait, Chuck was going to ask Cindy where she got the Siberian eye balls but did not have the chance and looks like she's shed them for the mop. Anyway, The Professor Chuck is quite content now with his natural Alaskan eyes and will wait to see if Obama picks him for a VP Spot or Cabinet Position (preferably close to a window).

Boobenstein on Heels of Colbert-Cain in New "Chance-It" Party!

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Boobenstein on Heels of Colbert-Cain in New "Chance-It" Party!

After several attempts at joining the mainstream Dogpublican and Democat parties without success, Professor Chuck E Boobenstein—in an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6—announced his new "Chance-It" party and obtained a very substantial endorsement (see photo). Who needs Oprah when you can have "all that" from Chuck's most adoring constituent?

Professor Chuck will most likely be running tight on the heels of Stephen Colbert - Herman Cain or vice versa and subject to the same thwarty scrutiny of their naysayers. Chuck in tandem with these GOP wannabe's challenges the fragile line between satire, chance, and what some "lefter besters" call the "new reality." Why not chance it?

The Occupy movement has nothing on this one. I mean really. What was left up to chance for them? In these encampments that were owned by someone else usually, a typical occupy constituent had no chance to gain anything—while tying up traffic, not working, and consuming public resources. Oops, please don't misconstrue this sentiment—hate the game not the play ah—these folks all have intentions worth validation but the game dude, not happenin'—bank, bet, yo, trippin, you ain't "beep." (Probably a little off topic as usual but took a chance at the proper fit here!)

Ok so what's the Professor's platform or agenda if you will; how does he define his base? You guessed it—leave it up for chance! Sort of like the "nine," "nine," "nine," "not" strategy but more improved based on chances and proven chance theory. One failed strategy typically increases the likelihood of a more favorable chance option to emerge with better results—sort of like what dogs do when their regular meals have a chance to be superceded by a tasty chicken wing or hunk of cheese.

Chuck has made plans to take no chances while chancing the Chance-It party—chance plans unfold with an enchancement that litterally fetches no chants . . . Sound familiar? . . . Of course it does—like the many "meat throwing" exercises made famous by both of the mainstream parties during their rallies. Chuck has been a fan of meat throwing and even more so with the bones of the matter attached. You know the kind of political rhetoric that you can chew on without disturbing others.

Anyway, needless to say, his long-awaited treatise on Barcheology—now even farther away from being finished—takes a side dip again. However, Chuck's lofty pursuit of our top-dog, Presidential beg—don't you mean bid—surely survives the neighborhood cocktail circuit over a postponed research paper. Cheers!

Boobenstein Considers Straw Votes with Obama—Both Paws Down!

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Boobenstein Considers Straw Votes with Obama—Both Paws Down!

Professor Chuck E Boobenstein, from an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, considers Presidential straw votes with double paws down in Obama's beer garden. They needed to catch up since their last Chin Wag at Chuck E's place a few days before the Inauguration. The rants, ravings, and evangelical indigestion coming from those in the race against Chuck's dear friend Obama, have no substantial platform other than blame and fear.

In fact, holding up a thin piece of hay and watching the wind blow between these new candidates in some kind of straw vote has caused nothing but angst for the Professor.

Chuck has both paws down with Obama to symbolize how common sense should prevail. He does not plan on being tail-wagged by the ridiculous media hype and ad campaigns that suck the intelligence out of educated folks with subtle, highly-crafted messaging.

All leg lifting aside, Chuck hopes to witness a civil upcoming Presidential election where real data and inspiration prevails, like when a constituent tosses a rawhide towards him as a reward for doing a good job. He would rather not have to endure what seems like mean-spirited, heart-stabbing strategies from some of the current Dogpublican candidates who spin the complex role of our government—yes we the people—into a cast of unwanted villains who steal, squander, and disregard the freedom and rights of others as over-indulgent, reckless scoundrels. Come on now. Does this kind of stupid logic work?

Are we too busy to study the facts about the economy, how taxation works, the difference between government spending and consumer spending, increasing the production of innovative goods and services versus increasing the demand for existing goods and services, which are sometimes produced more in other countries than our own? Are these ideas too difficult to consider or should we press the snooze button one more time? We need to delve into the cause and effect of what's really happening and why. The Professor—as a habit—always studies or sniffs out where, when, and why he's leaving his mark anywhere. When it's good there's nothing wrong with kicking up some dust or divots as warranted.

Let's not make it easier to associate our hard-working, earnest—for the most part—public servants with derelicts up the street who can't manage money or don't know what's best for Aunt Nellie Mae or Veteran Bob and paying attention to sloppy rhetoric. Take the time to find out what's really going on in the government and how a process has come to be. People in government cannot be compared to neighborhood thugs, do gooders, or even softball teams. There's too many interdependent actions at play. Minimizing our President's service by using language like "Stealing" or "Ruining" or by personifying initiatives like "Obamacare" feeds into deceptive understandings.

Professor Chuck will continue his vigilance during this election season with both paws down as he finds more answers to showcase in his upcoming Treatise on Barcheology.

Boobenstein Backs Vote for Same-Sex Leashes!

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Boobenstein Backs Vote for Same-Sex Leashes!

Professor Chuck E Boobenstein, from an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, backs his potential vote on the same-sex leash quandary—truly a stunning upset here on the Hill. Basically, the Professor postures that equality at the price of union might make better sense than to be a little too individualistic. He's decided to examine the issues, though, before backing a final vote.

By the way, the Professor's Treatise on Barcheology remains on hold until the summer heat gives way.

So, back to the examination. On one tail—at the face of most government sponsored or endorsed programs—efficiency and personal ethics alone, cry out for such same-sex unions on one leash (see tandem leash in photo). Oh, to be sanctioned by such a well-meaning crowd of liberally minded supporters. As some of the more prominent politicos from a more important, larger state up North, toggle between pants on or pants off, twittling away at their up-front socially-conscious media---or medium, or, well, I mean large, magnum, what-EVER.

For God's sake, does anyone know where you can find a good Weinershouldnotshow these days? Or how about a good groomer, hair or no hair? That same-sex or over-sexed duo from New York should have combined last names, "Spitzer-Weiner or Weiner-Spitzer," either has a nice ringer to it, doesn't it? Weiner, Weiner Spitz Spitz...Nanny, Nanny Poo Poo, oh my goodness, got a little carried away there, sorry. Hope that didn't get too mixed up.

On the other tail, maybe a good tandem leash—or marriage of sorts—will help. Rescuing us again by an entitlement to more services, more programs, and more stuff to keep our GS'ers from losing a line of sight on their next step and grade. What do they do, anyway? I'll bet many ride tandem when they get the chance (just for fun) but travel individually for proper disbursement of their transportation vouchers. Dag or dog gonnit, well it ain't their fault, really.

Ok, so maybe we actually should have separated Church and State from the beginning—seriously—not just erecting the beautifully architected church buildings far from the State Department buildings or vicey versy. Maybe the actual values instead. Whoopeeee.

Boobenstein, wonders quite frankly, how does the State Department define a good tandem same-sex leash situation from, say, two happy-go-lucky's who might not be the same sex but still could be having a good time? In fact, in the picture above, Professor Boobenstein admits there's a little bit of gender confusion in this particular union—nothing to do with the leashes, the tandem, or even the State Department—just plain muddled-up shit!!!

Boobenstein Wags CNN's Piers Morgan

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Boobenstein Wags CNN's Piers Morgan

Professor Chuck E Boobenstein, from an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, wags Piers Morgan in a proper discourse of stale wit, yielding integrity, and foolish charm—even the Queen of England blushes and reveals dark secrets under these circumstances.

Chuck begins their time together with his leg up on the most critical issue—how does Piers defect from the Mother country and slide into a long-standing slot on American television? Maybe this spot was not marked with enough of a splash in the past or not at all? Chuck would never circle around these matters, as others do—in a sort of dance—leaving a big mess nearby without marking the territory. Chuck addresses these issues squarely with a haughty leg in the proper position and an aimed determination—spot on—delivering perfection that's actually quite lovely. Indeed.

With a renewed jobs, jobs, jobs chant coming from the White House, the loss of Larry King on CNN further complicates the American unemployment numbers and adds an unforeseen trickle-down element. Chuck wishes now that he didn't have that bender the day before Piers was selected for the spot. Now Obama's "Winning [T]he Future" slogan actually does become more like a "WTF," should we side with Palin on this one?

For example, quite a few of the make-up artists and fashion designers at the CNN studio prior to Morgan's arrival have been let go—apparently there's no need to fuss with the British couture for men, non-existent in most cases. Doesn't Piers actually ride a bicycle to the studio—rushing into the set at the last minute? His hair always has that wind-blown look and no evidence of any hair products having been used for years. Let's not even "go there" with the teeth.

Oh, gosh, while we're at it, who designed the colors (see photo) for the Piers Morgan set? The retro, blue-green didn't work before and does not work now, or does it? Let's place a bet that one of the displaced make-up artists ended up on the stage crew and is responsible for designing the eye-shadowy blunder.

Now back to Chuck—keeping his tail at a slumber—says nothing most of the time but gets Piers all fired up. He talks in circles around Chuck, sounding almost like the loud barking of a herding dog when the mail comes. At times, you can hear Piers' lil Morgan creep into his speech, a high-pitch dog chirping sound that really does infuse a level of enchanting sincerity that impresses Chuck. As a Professor of Barcheology, Chuck typically hears sounds like this from other constituents who want to start a new engagement, like going for a ride in the car.

The wagging begins and there's no turning back. Chuck has had enough of the show and wants to get on with his business, jumping off the chair and heading towards the door. Piers does not even offer his hand for a shake or a hug. Rituals like these crosssing international lines can often be very complicated. Chuck should not be offended. Piers did this same thing with the Kardashian sisters, when they were on the show, and he did not extend a hug or hand to either of them as they ran out. He just couldn't keep up. Oh well—not touching the royalty in England—maybe Piers has gotten things a little mixed up but he surely must be proud in his new position on CNN and most pleased to have Chuck as a guest.

Chuck's Thanksgiving Plans

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Happy Thanksgiving from Chuck!

Professor Chuck E Boobenstein, from an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, plans to put his paws down for the day to enjoy a giving-of-thanks for health, happiness, friendships, family, squirrels, great smells, and a good nap.

With no expectation for who's going be thankful or thankless, the Professor Chuck E plans to restrain his typical judgement of where people are on certain topics and not be such a heel chaser. Instead he'll let everyone "do their thing." Actually, what else would they do? (probably do something they wished they hadn't). Chuck's been doin' his thing for years and has no observable regret.

Anyway, for this day of free flowing conversation and food frenzy, he's planning not to mention how the treatise has been going, as he sorts out where it has been going for himself. Chuck's short break from this important step for tenure as a Full Professor at University (British version) has been delayed many times. Most of his constituents and sponsors keep crossing their fingers that he'll not slip back into the "research" stage of his never-before-talked-about findings. Sometimes under pressure, the comfort of doing what's known can be much easier than continuing to dig up new ground.

To prepare for the day, Chuck has decided to put together a list of the things that might be neutral to banter about. For example, the Royal Wedding Engagement—who's not excited about that—or the whole Palin invasion—who is excited about that? He'll recommend switches to the more mundane as needed, like the pros and cons of stuffing cooked inside the turkey vs out. Does it really matter? How about a nice "pat down" before air travel—jeez, some folks pay huge sums of money for such things, lose their jobs, and then end up as prime-time news anchors with a Parker. Not sure if that's name dropping or drooling, but what happened there? (Elliot Spitzer on CNN?)

Before anyone gets too out of control with indulgence, Chuck will make sure everyone has their up-to-date health insurance cards on hand. No one wants to end up in an ER without insurance or do we have that now? Kinda hard to figure out. Hmn, after all the complaints about spending the last holiday season sorting this out instead of finding jobs, sounds like we're going to spend a great deal of time unsorting this out instead of finding jobs. Oh well, maybe not a good idea to discuss this one as a whole group.

As Chuck looks forward to the day, he'll be fine no matter what happens—most likely eating more than he wanted to as usual and in some cases food'll just end up falling right on him or near him (in mid air) as he dodges around the kitchen mess. This year with only minimal effort, he'll find out more than he knew before about the others around him, and end up being thankful for more than he ever could imagine.