In an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, the Professor Chuck E Boobenstein announced today that he's officially "dogging" the GOP front runner, Donald Trump (see photo).
Look at that face—and we don't mean The Professor's—do we
really want that sour puss face in the Oval Office? I'm mean, I'm sure he's probably a nice
guy. Lots of people love him. But look at his face. He's ugly. Right. He's ugly [said with a Brooklyn accent].
Talk about oval and bad hair coming out of somewhere, what about those oval
peanuts below his belt that keep getting him in "Trumple?" He's been quite
hair-ed-ly ballsy with just about everyone who crosses his path.
Has anyone else been reminded of when Al Bundy used to stick his hand down his pants and then sniff it? Neither have we but thought it might be relevant somehow.
To be more fair, The Professor is pleasantly surprised that our Trumpster "negotiated" with the RNC to keep the next debates to two hours so that Carson and Jeb don't fall asleep. Less is more in this case. A longer night time walk or chew of a pigs ear over the GOP implosion will serve us all well. Thank you Donald! Banana fo fama fee fi fo Fiorina oh no Obama . . .
Come on folks, this "lightweight" robot can't stop repeating himself. "I LOVE mexicans, I LOVE woman, I LOVE chinese, I LOVE guns, I LOVE pro live, I LOVE evangelicals. I LOVE "traditional" marriage. I LOVE immigrants!" Oops. I mean I married a couple of Slavic, non-Mexican, immigrants and then deported them out of my life. Easy come, easy go!
Here's a Quick Survey that The Professor architected for this effort:
Now, what about his favorite books? Holy 1989, his "Art of the Deal" book and the Bible. Really? Are you serious, toenail fungus? I mean, "chi'le please." There's a whole bunch more on anyone's reading list that is not so pre-dot-com, pre-9-11, pre-millenial. and pre-gmail and far more compelling. Maybe he's not aware of the works of Elon Musk, Malcolm Gladwell, or J. K. Rowling? Google it.
The only problem with dogging Trump is just more noise. No mater what he says or does, there's just more barking—loud, loud, barking and the media is to blame. Those ratings, it's like watching a train wreck in slow motion. They've got to cover this, it's sensational, and everyone's dysfunctional curiosity fuels the fire. We're doing it now.
The Professor easily concludes that the GOP seems to have a "donkey" in the room—a jackass peeing on everything that our beloved conservative elephants want. Even S.E. Cupp and Ana Navarro , the most prominent Republican pundits on CNN, are struggling with this.
The very things that the GOP has believed in are being hijacked by this xenophobic misogynist who has embraced them only "to win" for the sake of wining when in fact he had dissimilar beliefs in the past. It's almost satire that his megalomania favors conservationism.
Why doesn't he deny same sex couples admission to any of his money-making establishments for the sake of religious liberty?
Did the Professor actually think that out loud? Probably not.