Friday, December 28, 2012

Piers, Barbra, and Chuck

The Professor Chuck E BoobensteinDoppelganger on CNN's Piers Morgan Tonight
Yes, it's true—an uncanny appearance with Piers and Barbra! Saaaa weet!
On the show, the Professor Chuck E Boobenstein reveals his love of acting and sing ging, as well as an incredible shyness that comes over him at times—just like the Bab [a.k.a. the incredibly talented Barbra Streisandsee photo]. Stomp. Stomp. You've got to be kidding, right?
Well, there's something about his one droopy ear and her somewhat dreamy yet awkward fight to not look cross-eyed that makes them appear just a tad—shall we say—sima la [go ahead, we want you to use that thick, Brooklyn accent if you want].
We're still trying to figure out who Piers has the crush on? They're both charming, pitch the same political views most of the time, and find themselves thirsty and a bit intolerable of imperfection at almost exactly the same time. Yet, neither like hot water. Imagine that.
So, you're thinking, why Barbra? Why Chuck? Well the news reel of the Fitty Clip or Financial Nose dive or whatever pet name they have for that gosh darn gridlock in DC has become un-dig-able.
Other nasty news has just become intolerable. Nuff say-ed.
And, it's the Holidays Fa' Crissakes! The Professor, whom you've come to know as the one continuing work on his Treatise on Barcheology in and around the area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, has taken a much deserved break from politics and discussions about the NRA.
Good distractions and diversions keeping him grounded as usual!
Happy Holidays 2012

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Boobenstein Trumps Status Quo

Boobenstein Trumps Status QuoViewing the World from Rose-Tampered Fences

Professor Chuck E Boobenstein has apparently unleashed a keen sense of optimism—trumping the status quo with a view of the world from rose-tampered fences in an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6 (see photo).

After being canned by CNN in favor of Candy Crowly to moderate the Presidential beg—I mean bid—for the White House, Chuck although mildy embarrassed and defeated, has decided to get over himself and view the world differently.

Quite frankly, the status quo coping strategies from Chuck's past now seem unnecessarily biting or bellacose—even against conservative snarky barkers and liberal swaggers who know how to kick up dust. Championing a good flip flop in your favor or suggesting that failed policies contribute to greed or vice versa as a worthy platform really has no place in the Professor's new vision. Don't worry, that's not intended to make sense.

Ok let's get to the basics. After a nasty supra storm, that dang rose positioned itself right through the very fence borders that used to protect what Chuck proselytized in the past—like a New Jersey Govnah suddenly embracing what appears to be hope. No need to bash, minimize, throw meat with or without bones to his constituency. Look, Listen, and Love. Even that fence has the color of a throbbing heart.

Chuck could be onto something here, and will continue to focus on the hopeful, the resilent—and eventually get on to that long-awaited Treatise on Barcheology by the tail end of one of these years.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

The Professor Stands Down at Proper Sitting with the Queen—2012 Olympics

Chuck E Boobenstein Stands Down2012 Olympics—A Proper Sitting with the Queen

Professor Chuck E Boobenstein meets the Queen for a proper "Stands Down" Sitting—both class and pooch protocols go unchallenged with nothing but a proper restoration of good spills. I mean good will. Recent gaffs by US Presidential hopefuls must stop. I mean really, who wants to spoil the exchanges of funding for our new "Imperialism." Pretty sure we don't want stealth technology—now exposed—to spar with the birds in the Royal Navy.  Didn't mean to drone on there but maybe that's better.

Anyway, honoring corporate agendas for the sake of good shopping, freedom and democracy, and a decent pension does have some merit—else—we can't protect you from yourselves. We're not that concerned if you don't bow, toast, insult, or touch private parts appropriately. Oh my goodness, you had to go there didn't you? Dogs are dogs. For God's sake. The Queen, and a playful snout up the skirt is not necessarily a bad thing. I mean think about it. If something smells good, isn't it worth investigating—just a little bit? Ok, so the Professor agreed, this would be a stands down event. Forget that.

The Queen's Corgi's, aka Corgis (see photo)—now on holiday at an undisclosed horse farm needed some fun. What they do behind closed blinds never frightens the horses. Seriously, insider comments about security, who gets to do what and when, have gotten international decorum all mixed up. Anyone like a Corgis gone Morgus?

The Professor—from an area of Capitol Hill (The New Country) referred to as Ward 6—will stand down for the sake of our country or some country (see photo above).  Hey, if the Queen wants to shield herself with sensationalism—shush, we've heard she likes Springsteen—so be it. Chuck (just for our purposes) will STAND DOWN in a proper sitting with the Queen. Still so embarrassed about that whole snout thing . . .

To keep things moving, what seems to be confusing is confusing. Why is it that so many people in the world still have a British accent—or slip into one during stressful times—like when they've had too much to drink?

The Professor has stood down. The summer heat on the East Coast in the States has gotten him to get his final thoughts together—for what we're now calling "The Treatise for Tenure."  His actions on paper have halted only briefly in exchange for a fascination with the 2012 Summer Olympics in London, especially for Charlie Houchin who goes by Chuck E in tight circles just like The Professor.

To finalize the sittingthe Queen makes no effort to speak. We're confident now that all has been quite proper!

Monday, May 28, 2012

Chuck E. Boobenstein on CNN's Short List !!!

Best Foot First's Blog Dog - Chuck E.

Chuck E. Boobenstein Fetches Front Row TicketDebates 2012

Professor Chuck E Boobenstein held a "no briefs" press conference yesterday—in an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6—announcing that he's gotten the runs with a grassy Super PAC, that's Political Action Committee—for those who didn't know—like me.  A whistle-blower from CNN also revealed that "The Professor" had been named "most-likely-personality" to moderate the upcoming Obama-Romney debates this Fall.

Afterwards, others mused as expected—like when Candy Crowley of CNN's weekend lineup blurted out, "It is what it is!" in a typical Situation Room thriller or even whilst hosting her own State of the Union segment. Humph, she and others don't seem to get it, do they? Ted Turner as first alpha in CNN's pack—preCNNinquirer—led the sires and bitches but would never have let this happen even if his ex wife Jane was not fond (couldn't help that one).

En-ah-way [teeth clenched] The Professor, Chuck E Boobenstein, definitely commands a "presence-and-poise" that rivals the long-gone integrity of journalists like Bernard Shaw (see photo). What makes Boobenstein—who some folks now call Boo-Bee—even more "ah paw pro," centers on his serpentine-belt or leash-like ability to switch gears and stay charged with only a squirrel's whisper. . .

Chuck easily gets the same praise as hipsters. Ok, call this out, "We - all - now - have - A-D-D or A-D-H-D, or D-V-D's and B-V-D's—as the more cantankerous anchors do—gingerly drilling down to expose "Oopsies"—you know, like the way a top-notch, whipper snapper journal anchor hottee Soledad O'Brien does. No, I'm not flirting.

If Chuck doesn't end up at that dog gone podium to orchestrate the polarization of our well-meaning, left . . .right . . . left, right, leftwho knows what the HELL they're saying—polytitian-enZaz, then she betta!! . . .yeah, that's you, [now singing] "You - you - you, . . Soledad - Oooooooooo - Brien!" . . . good boy Chuck E, and you go Girl (Soledad).

Quite frankly, Soledad who recently returned to CNN eating donuts and bragging about iPod play lists, knows how to keep the basics at the forefront and the dirty stuff behind. This is not unlike Boobenstein, who even kicks the dirt further back while facing the world head on.

We, "The Americans (I think)" need a moderator to do this without going into the typical willy wally walla or meat slingin' bozo nanzas like a Biltzer Wolf sensationalizing the turning of a page—or, a duh—my-first-name-comes-last or my-last-name-comes-first—Cooper-Anderson—miss thing (oops a typo) wanna be Kathy Griffin's slug.

Ok, maybe Coopster should do the giggle track for the opening remarks. C'mon, does he always end up on his own Ridiculist? Let's be fair now, we hafta give'm props—or fist bumps—for that impeccable hair and the way he handles reporting on real serious shit over seas—geographic savant maybe?

So, at the debates, Romney and Obama should just walk right up to Chuck with their best swaggerly stroll and a firm hand shake. Any further unsolicited gestures—or failed swags—should encourage Chuck to gnaw right on their forearm veins and draw blood if necessary—or the candidates should at least appear to be willing to "take it like a man."

Then later during the debate, only if necessary, each Presidential hopeful would be encouraged to start with a tentative, petting routine, as many politicians know so well, and then grow into it—change their minds—flopping or flipping elbows or other parts for a little confusion as needed. Personally, I'd signal someone in the crowd for clues or bones—and then change the venue dramatically, or simply spend more money on those, "Who's wagging the dog?" walkathons . . . you know how we do !!!"

The Summer also biting ahead, several of Chuck's constituents believe that his long-awaited Treatise on Barcheology might actually be in Draft Stage.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Professor Boobenstein Bow-Wows from Presidential Beg

Best Foot First's Blog Dog

The Professor Boobenstein Bow-Wows from Presidential Beg

Yesterday, in a area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, the Professor Boobenstein bow-wowed out of his "Chance-It" Party race that he announced a few months ago. He hopes to set an example somehow for all the greedy constituents and never-do-wells who want to drain the media with countless hours of unnecessary barkitudes.

His first challenge was his Chair, "Max the Man", who had perfect motives at first but then quickly got caught up in the mix, so to speak. Max, "What were you thinking?" What a mish mash mix up for media to mangle?!?!?! He's no Campaign Chair, but at least he knows how to smile like the Professor for the media as necessary (see photo).

Chuck is delighted to get back to his Treatise on Barchaeology and finally has better research to support his tenure at University (British translation). He surely will not get anywhere near the barks associated with Breitbart's new challenges against his dear friend - Oh Bam Ah. Fortunately, those who have vetted Chuck will never acuse him of being a white dog in black boots.

The President and Chuck plan to resume regular chin wags once the dang Repubs get someone in there. Speaking of hair, why is it that wannabe first ladies from the right tend to have nondescript shades of blond hair? Cindy Micky Cain appeared on Piers with something on her head that looked a little—shall we say—"clean-moppish" Jus sayin'
Very impressed with her stance on several issues, though, go Cindy (left-pictured here). Ok, enough for now. No wait, Chuck was going to ask Cindy where she got the Siberian eye balls but did not have the chance and looks like she's shed them for the mop. Anyway, The Professor Chuck is quite content now with his natural Alaskan eyes and will wait to see if Obama picks him for a VP Spot or Cabinet Position (preferably close to a window).

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Boobenstein on Heels of Colbert-Cain in New "Chance-It" Party!

Best Foot First's Blog Dog

Boobenstein on Heels of Colbert-Cain in New "Chance-It" Party!

After several attempts at joining the mainstream Dogpublican and Democat parties without success, Professor Chuck E Boobenstein—in an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6—announced his new "Chance-It" party and obtained a very substantial endorsement (see photo). Who needs Oprah when you can have "all that" from Chuck's most adoring constituent?

Professor Chuck will most likely be running tight on the heels of Stephen Colbert - Herman Cain or vice versa and subject to the same thwarty scrutiny of their naysayers. Chuck in tandem with these GOP wannabe's challenges the fragile line between satire, chance, and what some "lefter besters" call the "new reality." Why not chance it?

The Occupy movement has nothing on this one. I mean really. What was left up to chance for them? In these encampments that were owned by someone else usually, a typical occupy constituent had no chance to gain anything—while tying up traffic, not working, and consuming public resources. Oops, please don't misconstrue this sentiment—hate the game not the play ah—these folks all have intentions worth validation but the game dude, not happenin'—bank, bet, yo, trippin, you ain't "beep." (Probably a little off topic as usual but took a chance at the proper fit here!)

Ok so what's the Professor's platform or agenda if you will; how does he define his base? You guessed it—leave it up for chance! Sort of like the "nine," "nine," "nine," "not" strategy but more improved based on chances and proven chance theory. One failed strategy typically increases the likelihood of a more favorable chance option to emerge with better results—sort of like what dogs do when their regular meals have a chance to be superceded by a tasty chicken wing or hunk of cheese.

Chuck has made plans to take no chances while chancing the Chance-It party—chance plans unfold with an enchancement that litterally fetches no chants . . . Sound familiar? . . . Of course it does—like the many "meat throwing" exercises made famous by both of the mainstream parties during their rallies. Chuck has been a fan of meat throwing and even more so with the bones of the matter attached. You know the kind of political rhetoric that you can chew on without disturbing others.

Anyway, needless to say, his long-awaited treatise on Barcheology—now even farther away from being finished—takes a side dip again. However, Chuck's lofty pursuit of our top-dog, Presidential beg—don't you mean bid—surely survives the neighborhood cocktail circuit over a postponed research paper. Cheers!