Sunday, November 30, 2014

The Professor Barks Back at Elizabeth Lauten

Obama's Pardon and Malia and Sasha's Tweendom

In an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, Professor Chuck E Boobenstein comes to the rescue for the Annual White House Turkey Pardon (see photo).

Two turkeys, Mac and Cheese were pardoned last week by executive order. As Obama smiled and joked, Malia and Sasha acted like teenagers. Meanwhile, one of our GOP Communications Directors got on Faceback and did one of those, "could have been drinkin'" status updates that provided a tongue lashing to the Obama sisters and chides to the President. Holy smokin' turkeys!

Well, here's the evidence that was deleted from her profile and her profile went private.

She works for U.S. Representative Stephen Fincher from Tennessee. What was she thinking? As if the GOP needs to smear the Obama's for anything else. Their list is pretty long—now the girls.

Chuck, The Professor, who normally doesn't suggest anything controversial has implied in subtle but poignant ways that she should take her diploma from East Carolina and do a good old-fashioned "repurposing." Lots of us have heard the expression, "The dog ate my homework." The Professor's idea is a bit stronger and more vivid. Use your imagination.

Communications Director, humph! What do you think Stephen Fincher will do come Monday?

One of the things that the Professor likes to do is confirm facts with real data. You know, like if you smell cheese in the air, there might be a sandwich somewhere to bite into or if someone knocks on the door, there might be a delivery of Chinese food to scarf on later.

Same thing here, let's check on some facts with evidence leading up to the Facebook rant and possibly a regular routine for Elizabeth.

Now who cares if the photo we found was taken several years ago? What it does do is establish a pattern.

If these photos are public, we can just grab and post as she did, even if it might be out of context or serves to prove a point, right? We have no idea where that habit comes from. Oh, hint, from the GOP possibly. "If you like your hairdo, you can keep your hairdo."

Back to the evidence. She's pictured  here with a clear "look at me, look at you syndrome" and a drink (see photo with arrow above). And not at all in her favor. Carefully look at this photo and then the ones of the Obama girls. Talk about classy!

Ok, you be the judge but who the heck picked out the outfits for the ladies? Those lovely sweaters that the Obama sisters were wearing don't look anything like the bar outfits we see here. To be fair, these ladies and Elizabeth were at a bar—one would assume—or working. Who knows?

Has anyone thought of, "pick on someone your own size (or age)"—and not the President's teenage daughters?

The Professor has been a thought leader for years on these kinds of public-facing issues and has been called in a number of times to help with some of the misgivings that we've faced over the years as constituents:

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Boobenstein's Plea to the US Congress

The Professor's Perfect Plan for Congress

In an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, Professor Chuck E Boobenstein announced his Perfect Plan (PP) for the "Do Nothing" Congress of the United States of America (see photo).

Basically The Professor was able to dig up this PP solution by focusing on what these two legislative branches have been tied up with recently—Budgets, Education, Foreign and Domestic Affairs, Healthcare, Voting, Immigration, Environment, Emissions, Transportation, Forestry, Taxes and whatever else you can name.

One of his favorite Dogpublicans states, "We're at a stand still with just about everything in quite complicated knots."

So here's Chuck's PP plea for Congress:

Instead of spinning wheels and arguing back and forth across the aisles and spending millions in media campaigns with positioning rhetoric funded by the big wheels of corporate machines, the US Congress should in fact "do nothing" and we'll be much better off.

The Professor implicates something quite profound. We're all just fed up and realize that a "who's-wagging-the-dog" scenario has griped the nation. Think about though, if our Congress in fact did nothing—that is of consequence, we just might be better off.

For example, instead of fighting back and forth into gridlock on most issues, they could do activities where everyone wins. The funds in limbo could be given to seventh and eight grade socials studies classes to distribute as they see fit—talk about reality-based learning, a direct hit! 

Back to Congress, a favorite childhood game comes to mind, "Ring Around the Rosy." Afterwards they could state their name and then come up with a fruit or vegetable that begins with the same letter and then start using that name instead. Just to make it more adult, they would have to match both their first and last names, and if they could not come with a fruit or vegetable, they could use the name of a candy or basically anything that comes to mind.

Remember, everyone wins.

For example, John Boehner could go with "Jujube Butternut." Harry Reid could be "Hazelnut Rhubarb" (see, he was creative and used a nut for his first name). Ok, so you get the picture now and you gotta' admit, this is brilliant. Good job Chuck!

Another all-time favorite to keep things moving would be square dancing. They would have to pick a partner across the aisle, same sex or not, and if they could not do that on their own, they could just "count off" as odd and even partners and then the music begins. They would have to have a very neutral figure like Barney or Sponge Bob to do the calling. At the end of the dance, they could have some apple pie and maybe watch a baseball game.

The Professor has been a thought leader for years on these kinds of core issues and has been called in a number of times to help with some of the misgivings that we've faced over the years as constituents:

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Chuck E Boobenstein Named Image Consultant for Hillary 2016

When the shoe drops, wear it . . .
Last week, a mysterious woman threw a shoe or should we say red pump at Hillary Clinton who was speaking about solid waste, aka poop management, at a convention in Las Vegas last week.

"My goodness," said Hillary, "I didn't know that solid waste management was so controversial," [shortly after the shoe flew by her, see photo]. Now laughing, she continued, "Thank goodness she didn't play softball like I did."  Source: CNN

Does Clinton get "girl power" credit for this statement? Seems like there might be a need here from some image rebranding, don't you think? I mean seriously, there's a lot of steak.

The Professor Chuck E Boobenstein who lives in an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6, deftly comes to the rescue (see photo). In fact, he's been named "Image Consultant 2016" for the former Secretary, Democratic Presidential Nominee, First Lady, Governor's Wife, Consultant, Lawyer, Mom, and so on.

This assignment for Chuck—who is particularly fond of solid waste management—seems quite à propos. Can you think of a better image consultant for Hillary? And besides, they have a history that spans almost a decade—Boobenstein Gets Pantsy with Hillary Clinton (see photo below).

Here's a couple of tips from The Professor's desk—right off the bat (or bone):
  • Wagging around that softball bravado needs to stop pretty much immediately—I mean, c'mon, people are already confused by the pants suits.
  • The poop humor should stick for sure—most constitutes like to giggle about this stuff without controversy.
  • Regarding what we're going to call Hillary if she wins—Madame President, Mrs. President, My Lady President—it certainly won't be "The Hillenator" after the shoe incident . . . or wait a second, maybe it will be, as The Professor thinks out loud with one of those smirking, confident, just-you-wait-and-see kind of poses. Hmn?
As you can see from the photo back at the top—practice will make perfect—and Chuck has a few items to toss at Hillzie whenever she's ready or when she's not, like the other day. She's got to be able to handle this kind of heckling and respond better as 2016 comes crackling toward her and in what seems to be an overwhelming majority in her favor. If she doesn't run, then who will?

Speaking of that, Biden, who had an affair with Chuck not too long ago—The Professor Chuck E Boobenstein in Bromance with VP Joe Biden—is filing a lawsuit against the appointment for what he claims as an unfair infringement on eminent domain—whatever the heck that means . . . some nerve.

Either way, Chuck, who's research continues to get diverted, seems quite pleased with how things have progressed.