Best Foot First's Blog Dog - Chuck E.
Chuck E. Boobenstein Fetches Front Row Ticket—Debates 2012
Professor Chuck E Boobenstein held a "no briefs" press conference yesterday—in an area of Capitol Hill referred to as Ward 6—announcing that he's gotten the runs with a grassy Super PAC, that's Political Action Committee—for those who didn't know—like me. A whistle-blower from CNN also revealed that "The Professor" had been named "most-likely-personality" to moderate the upcoming Obama-Romney debates this Fall.
Afterwards, others mused as expected—like when Candy Crowley of CNN's weekend lineup blurted out, "It is what it is!" in a typical Situation Room thriller or even whilst hosting her own State of the Union segment. Humph, she and others don't seem to get it, do they? Ted Turner as first alpha in CNN's pack—preCNNinquirer—led the sires and bitches but would never have let this happen even if his ex wife Jane was not fond (couldn't help that one).
En-ah-way [teeth clenched] The Professor, Chuck E Boobenstein, definitely commands a "presence-and-poise" that rivals the long-gone integrity of journalists like Bernard Shaw (see photo). What makes Boobenstein—who some folks now call Boo-Bee—even more "ah paw pro," centers on his serpentine-belt or leash-like ability to switch gears and stay charged with only a squirrel's whisper. . .
Chuck easily gets the same praise as hipsters. Ok, call this out, "We - all - now - have - A-D-D or A-D-H-D, or D-V-D's and B-V-D's—as the more cantankerous anchors do—gingerly drilling down to expose "Oopsies"—you know, like the way a top-notch, whipper snapper journal anchor hottee Soledad O'Brien does. No, I'm not flirting.
If Chuck doesn't end up at that dog gone podium to orchestrate the polarization of our well-meaning, left . . .right . . . left, right, left—who knows what the HELL they're saying—polytitian-enZaz, then she betta!! . . .yeah, that's you, [now singing] "You - you - you, . . Soledad - Oooooooooo - Brien!" . . . good boy Chuck E, and you go Girl (Soledad).
Quite frankly, Soledad who recently returned to CNN eating donuts and bragging about iPod play lists, knows how to keep the basics at the forefront and the dirty stuff behind. This is not unlike Boobenstein, who even kicks the dirt further back while facing the world head on.
We, "The Americans (I think)" need a moderator to do this without going into the typical willy wally walla or meat slingin' bozo nanzas like a Biltzer Wolf sensationalizing the turning of a page—or, a duh—my-first-name-comes-last or my-last-name-comes-first—Cooper-Anderson—miss thing (oops a typo) wanna be Kathy Griffin's slug.
Ok, maybe Coopster should do the giggle track for the opening remarks. C'mon, does he always end up on his own Ridiculist? Let's be fair now, we hafta give'm props—or fist bumps—for that impeccable hair and the way he handles reporting on real serious shit over seas—geographic savant maybe?
So, at the debates, Romney and Obama should just walk right up to Chuck with their best swaggerly stroll and a firm hand shake. Any further unsolicited gestures—or failed swags—should encourage Chuck to gnaw right on their forearm veins and draw blood if necessary—or the candidates should at least appear to be willing to "take it like a man."
Then later during the debate, only if necessary, each Presidential hopeful would be encouraged to start with a tentative, petting routine, as many politicians know so well, and then grow into it—change their minds—flopping or flipping elbows or other parts for a little confusion as needed. Personally, I'd signal someone in the crowd for clues or bones—and then change the venue dramatically, or simply spend more money on those, "Who's wagging the dog?" walkathons . . . you know how we do !!!"
The Summer also biting ahead, several of Chuck's constituents believe that his long-awaited Treatise on Barcheology might actually be in Draft Stage.